Casual Overthoughts.

Casually lying on my bed, being lazy. Just staring at the ceiling, thinking about life. Thinking about people in my life.

Thinking about the people worth staying, and the ones who aren't. Thinking some of the ones who are not worth it at all yet still giving them my best. And thinking of the ones who are, yet I didn't give them my best.

And then my plushies caught my eye. Honestly I have never bought a soft toy for myself, ever before. So each soft toy means someone, and each someone means someone who loved me before.

And each someone who loved me before didn't mean I gave them my best. Looking through it one by one, each of their faces came out one by one, I feel guilty. They all loved me but I didn't give them my best. Most of them left tho. Some by choice, some I pushed them away.

I always never give in my best, is this why people leave?

Hah. It might be an obvious answer but it's always a mystery for me. And it will remain an enigma till someone actually love me and never planned to leave no matter how hard I push them away.