24th

I'm kinda confused of what I'm feeling right now. Like, wow.. It's 2013. And wow it's Christmas Eve. And.... Wow....... It's my birthday. It's just that I never looked forward to any of my birthdays bc it's always the usual. And this year, no this specific month, I kind of feel loved. And it made me look forward to my birthday. What I didn't expect was when the clock hits 12, someone that hurt me a lot, seriously a lot, called me. And.... Sang to me. Ever since I knew him I bugged him to sing to me and all his excuses would be next time next time no mood. Thing is, I loved this guy. And for a split moment there, he loved me too. And then he fell out of it, it was crazy and complicated. I was hurt and also almost fell into depression, (p/s/ I'm not tht fragile, I almost fell into depression bc of too many feelings compressed together and it just suddenly exploded and I broke down for a month, but that's another story.) anyway it was crazy. I thought this is it. But then I prayed and prayed and I give all I could. I give and love everyone with all my heart, on the surface it may seem generous, but truth is it's sort of selfish, bc I figured I can seek happiness within, haha. But then again, what's wrong with seeking happiness within others by giving and loving? And then with the help of God I think I finally managed to help myself into getting out from depression (my family wanted to send me to a psychiatrist, it was really scary.) right after that came December, the month I always hated and bad things always happen. Yeah true enough bad things did happen and I did hate it. But then I kept climbing, and telling myself it will be over. And it did. I finally saw the good side in life, the rainbow after the rain, the flower in the mud. I started being happy. Regardless of being hurt by that same boy, I started accepting him as my bestfriend instead. Who knows someone might hop in and love me for real? Haha. I stopped being so sulky and bipolar. It felt great. It really is great. And I have friends and family that love me. What more can I ask for? I'm feeling contented, but then my future is still bothering me. Also some of my friends probably forgotten today is my birthday, so it's now a confused feeling.